Dan Daiquiri

Recently I discovered that most of my internal pain came from my deep rooted fear of loneliness.

This manifested in a ways of which resulted in me constantly trying to find validation and always feeling like the answer to my own healing was to find someone who’d drag me out of it. male seeks female to sort out his fucked up mental processes, yeah right like that ever worked. This kind of mentality drew me into relationships and situations which were toxic in some form or other- usually on my part. I was the saboteur of the very tales I created, an old speciality of mine.

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On reflection this is one of the worst ways to live, but I was so hardwired into it that it was nearly impossible to retract from. I was so consumed in denial, frustration and despair that every single part of life was falling apart.

This of course was not the actual case and I just had to wake the fuck up and realise- nobody is coming to save you in this world, it’s yours to steer- you have to take control otherwise you will lie there on your death bed filled with regret unable to cope with your last dying days because you wasted your short time on this planet wishing for that which you could have always had.

Now don’t get me wrong, We all want to be stuck in a love story of some kind, however abstract it may be it still follows the same principle. I’m more Eternal Sunshine than Love Actually but hey, each to their own. Everyone is seeking genuine human connection, just some crave deeper than others.

Dating is impossible these days and the realisation that 90% of my friendships are only bonded through alcohol makes for an interesting change of pace. This life is very different yet it’s a perfect time to start from scratch.

I have sacrificed a lot this year, sacrifice is defined as giving up something you want to keep or in order to help someone else. The truth is, all I have given up and the steps taken are to fully redesign my structure of life- an important silver lining to a pretty crazy year.

There are many who have been cut out of my life. The start of this new journey will be lonesome, but in the long term it will broaden the horizons of what I never believed possible.

Managing to overcome the obstacles I frequently placed in front of myself at any turn has been an eye opening experience.

I came to the realisation recently that I had always been a talker, making plans and promises but never actually following through on anything. This was usually followed by a slump into the usual cycle of madness.

I can guarantee you that once you start making small incremental changes to your daily habits- the results will compound and before you know it, your life will blossom into something quite beautiful.

This will be my last post in this blog, I’d like to thank everybody who has ever read or been inspired in some way by my writings and realisations. My plans now are to shift my writing from this style of rambling into something more solid. Take care, all the best and once again…

Thank you